I do everything fast and efficiently. Only one brush stroke for my teeth. Only wash half my face. Put only one sock on. Never lock doors. Sleep in work clothes. Never change underwear. Taught my dog to feed itself. Eat meat raw. Park wherever the hell I please. Don’t dot my i’s. Don’t cross my t’s. Never finish sentenc…
I complain often, though, and make sure people know it. My biggest gripe in life is grocery shopping. Hate it. It takes forever, I can never find what I want, and I never leave with what I shopped for (curse you magazine racks…).
BUT! I think I’ve finally found something that will help alleviate the burden… Enter the Renault Espace F1. Yes, the Espace, normally a comfortable, practical, and somewhat reliable French family van. The van was created in partnership with Matra Automobiles, the same group that helped Jackie Stewart to a Formula 1 World Championship in 1969 with a Ford-Cosworth engine and Ken Tyrell running the team. Launched in 1984, the Espace was one of pioneers of the MPV, or multi-purpose vehicle.
This mental version though, is based on the 2nd generation Espace. It features a 3.5L Williams-Renault championship winning Formula 1 V10 (!) engine, making around 800hp. The engine, naturally, is in the back of the car, and is surrounded by a carbon fiber chassis. And don’t worry, the thing will stop. It has the F1 brakes as well. It seems to be just what I need to make the trip to the corner deli almost worth it. I can finally run to the store as fast as I live my life!
Milk and cereal anyone?